Don't Drink Diet Soda

Diet Soda: The Fizzing Killer!
Et tu, cola?
Diet Soda

I drink a lot of Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke. I crave the caffein and I like how the bubbles feel in my mouth. Over the course of researching this article, however, I was convinced that I should abandon this vice. It won’t be that hard to quit these drinks considering that experiencing elevated mood, focus, and energy are all reasons why you should take exogenous ketones, but it’ll still be a challenge since the symptoms of caffeine withdrawal can be quite severe.

Aside from the addictive qualities of diet soda, there are so many negative side effects that I might as well be drinking a little bit of poison every day. Just enough to kill me slowly! THE PERFECT MURDER! No one would ever suspect who the real killer was. Only problem is that the person I’m killing is me! THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE CONSUMER!

Diet Cola Ruins the Flavor of Naturally Sweet Things

Diet cola ruins the flavor of sweet things.

As reported by the Diet Doctor, cola maintains our addictions to sweet things by giving us just enough of that sweet taste to further maintain cravings for sweet things. Diet cola actually effects taste buds just like real sugar does. So, you include diet cola in your meal plans because you think it’s better for you than regular soda or fruit juice since it’s not high in carbs, has zero calories, and it doesn’t mess with your insulin levels.

When you do finally read the medical advice, it turns out that drinking diet soda predisposes people to a plethora of diseases! A real cornucopia of illness! A glut of disorder! And, to top it off, diet cola makes it harder to appreciate actual sweet things. BETRAYAL!  So, kick the cola to the curb and learn how to eat sweets on the keto diet! But first, check out all these horrible things that diet drinks do to you. It's a true deluge of calamity!

Diet Cola Exasperates Mental Illness

Diet cola consumption exasperates mental health conditions.

As reported by Bauman College, the aspartame that sweetens most diet drinks exasperates anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. That’s a real problem because anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder exasperate life! Unfortunately, a lot of people with these conditions self-medicate with diet cola, only heightening the desire for that sweet, mood elevating elixir. It’s an ouroboros of sadness. A snake that refuses to leave its own apartment, eating a tail it ordered off Seamless because it just doesn’t have the energy to eat its own tail.

Diet Cola Is Associated With Illness

Studies show that diet soda is associated with illness.

A study by PLOS Medicine (a peer-reviewed, open access journal) highlighted that a lot of the studies that claim artificially sweetened beverages (ASBs) are harmless are actually funded by companies that make ASBs. You might as well have a CEO running the study rather than a medical professional. It’s a clear conflict of interest! It’s  like if the big, bad wolf paid for a study called, “Ideal building materials for pig lodgings,” that concluded that straw is better than brick! THE WOLF IS IN ON IT!

Meanwhile, independent studies have highlighted the ways in which ASBs predispose consumers to illness. The National Kidney Foundation reported that women who drank two or more diet sodas a day experienced kidney function decline. That would mean I, someone who drank two liters of diet cola a day, was setting myself up for future kidney problems. Luckily, I don’t need to Quantum Leap into the past to set right what once went wrong. I can just stop drinking diet cola.

What other ailments would I be saving myself from? How about heart disease and stroke?! The Journal of General Internal Medicine presented findings that diet soft drink consumption is associated with an increased risk of vascular events in the Northern Manhattan Study.(Why Northern Manhattan? Because the Northern Manhattan Study [NOMAS] is conducted at the Neurological Institute of Columbia University's Division of Stroke and Critical Care. Geographic convenience, baby!)

Correlation is not causation, but when a particular product is correlated with so many adverse consequences, why not just abandon it? What I’m trying to say is that diet soda is the Trump of drinks. If everyone around diet soda is crooked then, guess what, diet soda’s crooked too. Feel free to send hate mail to the bottom of the Marianas Trench.

A study by the journal Obesity on ASBs concluded that, "These findings raise the question whether AS[B] use might be fueling--rather than fighting--our escalating obesity epidemic." Diet soda, then, is more likely to lead to weight gain than weight loss! That’s like if toothpaste made your mouth dirty! Elsewhere, a study by the American Diabetes Association concluded that diet soda consumption was positively associated with type 2 diabetes. And to top it all off, CBS News reported on how diet soda erodes teeth as much as meth, crack (lotta gross pictures of bad teeth in that article)!

Aaaaaaand now I’m convinced! I don’t want to consume anything that needlessly puts me at risk for contracting debilitating illnesses. That’s also why I don’t eat fast food (even though, in a pinch, there’s plenty of keto friendly fast food to choose from). In fact, if you ever see me eating a Whopper, ask me about my mental health (and please ignore my claims that Whoppers are delicious. They are, but I only ever eat them if I’m really, really sad. A trip to Burger King is my cry for help.)


Caffeine is hard to quit.

As reported by Healthline, 8 symptoms of caffeine withdrawal include headache, fatigue, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, depressed mood, irritability, tremors, and low energy. Those are intense symptoms! Luckily, taking exogenous ketones can help smooth the transition into a diet caffeine free life by providing elevated mood, focus, and energy. If, however, you feel that life without caffeine is far too challenging, you may want to reassess your diet and also get bloodwork done to make sure there are no underlying illnesses whose symptoms were being masked by caffeine. If you’re in the clear, just get caffeine from coffee or tea.

Drink Water Instead of Diet Cola

You can actually drink something that’s good for you instead of drinking diet cola!

Water is important, but when you drink ASBs instead of regular H20 you end up doing more harm than good. Caffeine is a diuretic and so is the ketogenic diet, so you only end up draining more water and electrolytes rather than replenishing what’s been lost. Without those electrolytes you could end up experiencing irregular heartbeat, fatigue, nausea, gastric distress, and, even hair loss! So while diet soda may be one of the safe keto drinks since it has no grams of carbs, it violates the keto spirit of eating good food to live your best life. Looks like diet soda is the one getting eliminated on this week’s episode of The Masked Singer!